Thursday, October 30, 2014

M3 Bear Essentials: Rantings of a WeHo Snow Queen recently posted an article by a blogger named "Stevie" that detailed twenty reasons he feels it sucks to be a gay Black Man. When we reposted the article to our social media sites the responses varied from slight disgust to outrage as people questioned the author's intelligence, experience and even ethnic makeup. M3 Contributors Ja'Won Blackmon, Malcolm Travers and Breeze Vincinz along with special guest Clinton Jolliffi continue the conversation about the trials and tribulations of being the only minority in social circles.

Article: 20 reasons It Sucks To Be A Gay Black Man

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Men In Black (Dresses)

I remember a somewhat quixotic dialogue regarding the feminization of the black man that rumbled through the halls of bourgeoisie Negroes that was instigated by the phenomenal success of Tyler Perry and his Mabel “Madea” Simmons character. I have been privy to more than a few discussions on how the image of a Black man in a dress is nothing more than the latest “coon” paradigm for the new millennium. Dave Chapelle briefly commented about his reluctance to wear a dress on the now defunct Oprah Winfrey show and I imagine that’s what initially sparked the concept. Soon afterwards, “Madea’s Family Reunion” was released and subsequently soared to the top of the box office; and keeping in rhyme with the “Playa Hata” society that America is, the fall-out appeared soon afterwards. I say Playa Hata because you have to keep in mind; this dialogue was never as prominent when Flip Wilson, Wesley Snipes, Martin Lawrence, Jamie Foxx, Ving Rhames or Arsenio Hall donned feminine attire for their cinematic roles. Nor was it even a consideration when Damon Wayans and David Alan Grier fully epitomized the effeminate man with their “Men on Film” skits for “In Living Color”. It strikes me odd that when a Black man in a dress hit’s box office gold that discussions regarding the feminization of the Black man arises. To try and pull the full heap of effeminate Black male images and its negative attributes onto Tyler Perry’s shoulders was just lazy and irresponsible. Particularly when we still have this need to continue this witch hunt in discovering what exactly is decimating the concept of black unity and revolution in the new millennium... burning a cross on Tyler Perry’s lawn just isn’t going to solve the problem. And even in our own Black LGBT communities we have a tendency to shun, demoralize and excommunicate highly effeminate men from our social circles, all of which begs the question, “When did a guy in a dress become so goddamn threatening?”

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Thirsty: An Investigation on Desperation

I’m often posting in social media for Male Media Mind, promoting discussions to raise the consciousness of our community, meeting new people in the process, often having a good time just observing how people behave. I’ll inevitably encounter a post about someone being thirsty, or how everyone is a hoe, or disparaging the entire community for their sexual behavior. I can understand this from an outsider, but this is almost always from an active participant of the community. Many of these groups feature men looking to meet other men, presumably for a date or a connection that could lead to one. There are usually lots of hot selfies of cute guys in different stages of undress, seemingly bored and lonely, looking for some form of human connection. Even if that connection is not explicitly sexual, the connotation is to promote availability. I get that we’re going to have an opinion about all of these posts, but what I don’t get is why those opinions are so universally negative. It seems that we’re fine with being sexual, but as soon as we see someone else doing it, we condemn them as thirsty hoes desperate for dick. Why is that?

Monday, October 27, 2014

M3 Bear Essentials: Integrating Bears and Big Bois

Male Media Mind compatriot Ali Lopez recently had a conversation with the promoters of a website that showcases provocative pictures of various men within the Bear community. When asked about expanding the racial diversity of the models chosen, it was expressed that any social advocacy objectives would trumped by the original intention of fiscal gain, that promoting Bear models of color, specifically African Americans, would not prolong their financial stability since in their experience their audience is unperceptive to Black men. M3 Contributors Malcolm Travers, Gerald Hogan and Breeze Vincinz discuss their impressions of the often exclusionary practices of the Bear community and the validity of African Americans splintering off into the subset commonly know nas "Big Bois."

Thursday, October 23, 2014

M3 Bear Essentials: Life Long Weight Loss

The battle of the bulge has been a long and dreary fight for the millennium and with studies showing that the majority of diet plans having a fail rate upwards of 95%,  the war continues on. M3 Contributors Malcolm Travers and Breeze Vincinz discuss their successes and failures using Weight Watchers for lifetime weight management while Gerald Hogan discusses his issues surround his own body image. 

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

There Will Be Shade: Adventuress in Code Switching

No matter how diligently we attend to the clarity and precision of our language, the meaning of our words can and will be misunderstood. Those times can be frustrating. Consider the many arguments, the times when friends were hurt, and relationships shattered because someone thought you to be insensitive or something or someone other than who or what you are. I'm a rather kind individual, slow to anger and eager to please, and I don't know how many times I've had to apologize to others for hurting their feelings. Words can hurt far more often than we intend, but it doesn't mean that we should stop trying to be vigilant in our attempts to be compassionate.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Thursday, October 16, 2014

M3 Bear Essentials: Homophobia In The Workplace

Have you ever had to deal with workplace discrimination due to your sexuality? The M3 contributors discuss two articles dealing with the workplace discrimination and we talk about what you might do if you find yourself in that situation.

Article: Baker who refused service to gay couples breaks down on camera
Article: Man has his life savings decimated by workplace discrimination

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Jealousy and the Greener Grass

Originally posted in the Monthly Breeze

I was talking with a really good, head strong friend of mine recently who was describing his feelings towards a mutual associate. He felt he couldn’t truly verbalize the full gamut of his emotions towards this individual but in the very least he knew that what he felt was not warm or fraternal. I suggested that maybe he’s a little envious to wit he replied,

“I don’t know, other people have told me about that but I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been jealous of anything in my entire life.”

Which struck me a little odd.

Every once in awhile the subject of jealousy will come up and he will constantly say, “I don’t like to use that word”.

Which is just fucking funny to me... jealousy as profanity. But it did get me to thinking about its place in my own life. As much as it is profane in my friend’s household, it is quite the adornment in my own.

Monday, October 13, 2014

M3 Bear Essentials: Internet Overexposure (Private Goes Public)

Are you guilty detailing too much information about your personal life on social media platforms? And if those platforms were made to provoke conversation, when and where are the lines drawn between openness and overexposure? M3 Contributors Malcolm Travers, Gerald Hogan and Ja'Won Blackmon discuss the article "Private Goes Public" by fellow contributor Breeze Vincinz that touches on the freedoms, judgments and consequences of overexposing yourself on public forums.

Article: Private Goes Public (Social Media Overexposure)

Thursday, October 9, 2014

M3 Bear Essentials: Changing Habits

Do you have any bad habits you'd like to change? Are there some good habits that you'd like to acquire? The M3 contributors discuss two articles about good habits and changing bad ones.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Funny: Jokes That Hurt Jokes That Heal

There's an old joke. What's the best thing about having sex with twenty eight years olds? The answer, there are twenty of them. Another. What's the most confusing day in Harlem? Answer, Fathers' Day. One more. What's faster than a Mexican running with your TV? Answer, his brother with the DVD player. Comedians through the ages have mined the top soil of a polite society's political correctness to get to the sweet loam of our carnal desires, fears and anxieties. And while exposing those commonly hidden tenets to the light of day can be both therapeutic and comedic, there is no denying that the wrong drill, put in the wrong piece of earth at the wrong time can have catastrophic results. Say for example, making a joke about having sex with children around incest survivors or a joke demeaning African American fathers told by a non Black in a climate already highly critical about Black parenthood or a joke about Latino crime to a community so plagued with stigma and misinformation that it has fueled citizenship debates on a federal level. It's not necessarily a circumstance of, "knowing your audience" but rather knowing what your intentions are and realizing that questionable comments are not always going to be easily hidden under the umbrella of "these are just jokes" or "I have a wicked sense of humor" or "I'm just a comedian". And while a receptive audience knowledgeable of the context of provocative humor can definitely help in landing the punch lines of a good off color joke, sometimes they just punch wrong color. And sometimes, as in the case of Michael Richards, that color punches back. 

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

The Rational Monogamist

We’re not all meant to be in monogamous relationships, but that doesn’t mean we can’t find love and commitment if that is what we want. I chose to be in several non-monogamous relationships in the past and was quite happy with the arrangement. I’ve written glowingly about non-monogamy for MaleMediaMind before. Now that I’m in a monogamous relationship, I have a responsibility to explain why I, as a strong advocate for non-monogamous couples, would choose to be in a monogamous relationship. It’s not that I’ve changed my mind about non-monogamy. After having a series of rational discussions about it with my partner, monogamy seemed to be the best choice for us.

Monogamy is one of those issues that seems to get people angry on both sides. I can feel the tension when I talk about it in the hangouts and in the comment threads of articles I’ve written and posted. Those who were monogamous seemed to feel like their choices were being criticized as old fashioned and naive, while those who were non-monogamous seemed to have their relationships called into question as friendships with sex rather than real relationships complete with love and commitment. I seemed to be somewhere in the middle of any discussion, arguing that while monogamy works for the majority of people in relationships, it shouldn’t be the default position for everyone. I feel there should always be an explicit conversation about each other’s needs for sex, variety, and security. If more people did this, even those who choose monogamy, their would be more satisfaction in relationships.

Monday, October 6, 2014

M3 Bear Essentials: Minding The Age Gap

What are your thoughts about large age gaps in relationships? The M3 Contributors Malcolm Travers, Gerald Hogan, Ja'Won Blackmon, Vaughne Smith and Breeze Vincinz discuss an article of some famous couples with a large age gap and discuss their personal experiences with dating much older and younger men.

Article: Don’t Mind The (Age) Gap: Seven High Profile May/December Gay Relationships And How They Worked Out

Thursday, October 2, 2014

M3 Bear Essentials: Hot Topics (LDR, Grey Hair, Erections, and Leather)

#M3HotTopic: Each week we post a number of hot topics on social media to get people talking. M3 contributors Malcolm Travers, Vaugne Smith, Gerald Smith and Ja'Won Blackmon weigh in on current trending topics such as Long Distance Relationships, grey hair on men, inappropriate erections and their thoughts on the leather scene.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Private Goes Public: Social Media Overexposure

One of the defining characteristics of Generation X is that we have the anomalous distinction of being able to not only accurately recall a life before the information highway kicked into high gear, but to also be cognizant enough to navigate technologies that are able to process a constellation's amount of information within a baby's breath amount of time. My mother, innocently enough, thinks a tweet is a modern-day euphemism for a vagina while my nephews and grandnephews have no idea what a Sony Walkman, rotary phone or dial tone is. Having one hand on my record player that still plays my Suzanne Vega 45 rpm vinyl records and another hand downloading the 25 billion songs available on iTunes, I do have a tendency to swoon at the prospect of acknowledging, managing and utilizing the vast amount of technology available while still emotionally tethered to the comparably plebeian ideologies of yesteryear. This definitely comes in to play when I'm involved in conversations regarding how different technological tools have corrupted friendships, marriages and sometimes even jobs.