Friday, May 31, 2013

Mistakes Were Made: Atoning for Our Younger Self

I've been thinking a lot lately about maturity. It's not something that comes exclusively with age. Some of us have a lot more experiences in those years than others. For some of us, no matter how many times we make the same mistake, we refuse to learn from it. It's not easy to admit it when we've made a mistake. It's easy to conflate the idea that we did something wrong with the notion that there is something wrong with us. Maturity comes with admitting the mistakes we've made, knowing we could make them again, and being grown up enough to choose not to.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Bears on a Train: Our Adventures in Atlanta


I've been stuck on what to write about my recent trip to Atlanta. A lot of what happened is a private matter, and I don't want people to be afraid to express themselves to me, or to share their experiences, for fear that I will one day blog about them. Still, much of the trip deals with the blog itself. While the contributors of M3 live all across the country, the highest concentration live in Atlanta. Some have been friends for years; others I've not yet met. So when James and I decided to take a trip, Atlanta seemed like a reasonable destination.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Diversity in Sexual Interests Isn't a Disorder

by Ogi Ogas, Ph.D.

I find myself staring at feet. I like a heel. If she’s wearing clogs, that does something for me. Flip-flops. Sandals. Bare feet are the best. — comedian Jack Black

It's true that many sexual interests which may be present in the population may not necessarily manifest themselves on the Internet. For example, necrophilia — if you like to have sex with corpses this doesn't necessarily mean you will want to look at images of sex with corpses on the Web, or pay to subscribe to a necrophilia website.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Why Our Conceptions of Paraphilia Are Wrong

by Ogi Ogas, Ph.D.

If you open the Handbook of Clinical Sexuality for Mental Health Professionals — a book often considered the bible of sex therapy — you will find a scholarly list of more than 100 different fetishes or paraphilias, as clinicians term them. They include acrotomophilia (attraction to amputees),emetophilia (arousal from vomiting), and katoptronophia (arousal from mirrors). Not to be outdone, a 2009 work on criminal and unusual sexual practices contains a presumably exhaustive list of more than 500 paraphilias, adding allotrioasty (attraction to people of other nations) andeproctolagnia (attraction to flatulence).

Monday, May 27, 2013

Our Greatest Source of Sexual Creativity

The central importance of domination and submission in sexual arousal

by Ogi Ogas, Ph.D

It's a lot like life
It's played between the sheets
With you on top
And me underneath
Let's play...

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Why Do We Like The Things We Like?

Using neuroscience and online data to explain puzzling sexual desires

By Ogi Ogas, Ph.D. in A Billion Wicked Thoughts

While the individual man is an insoluble puzzle, in the aggregate he becomes a mathematical certainty.

—Sherlock Holmes, Sign of the Four

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Jiggaboo Pornography

Originally posted in the Monthly Breeze

I remember when the movie Malcolm X came out they had plans to do an X-rated spin-off titled Malcolm XXX. Fortunately they couldn’t find a single African American actor, gay or straight, to agree in a production that would spoof the legacy of Malcolm X. It was a bittersweet revelation whereas at least in one point in history the highly religious African American community looked upon these lost soul sex workers as having some shred of morality. I imagine when Mr. Marcus, Lexington Steele, Midori, Gene Lamar and Randy Cochran collectively and publicly refused to participate in the project, it was similar to Shug Avery proclaiming to her father, “See Daddy, sinners have soul too!” at the end of the Color Purple.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Bears in Space: On Watching Star Trek Into Darkness

James and I finally got to see a movie on opening weekend. Maybe it's a testament to our geekiness that it was a Star Trek movie. There was no mistaking it's an established franchise. All the hallmarks of the shows and movies are there, but somehow it was fresh. I was literally gripping the seat at points. The action was so intense, and yet there were real moments of emotional depth. At other times, I laughed at the old references. All I can say is that from the very first scene it was like being pulled into another time and place, and the movie never for a moment let go of its fictional grip. There was something about the effects that made me want to believe that it was possible.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

The Hypothetical Emancipation of Jaden Smith


So the word is that Jaden Smith wants to be emancipated from his parents for his birthday. Ok, let's be real, what teenager doesn't? Before we go on, you can slowly let go of those expensive pearls that you are clutching (dolls and guys alike) and take the necessary deep breaths to bring that rosy color back to your cheeks. As it turns out, the great Jaden emancipation was just a joke. However, for the sake of argument, let's say that it was totally true and Jaden was going to be given his freedom papers. Talk about every teenager's dream! Many a night, my dreams were filled with that coveted magic number 18, where all my dreams of doing what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it, would come true. Unlike myself in those days, Jaden has the means to make that pipe dream I had a reality. Let's face it: there are very few 15 year-olds who have starred in their own blockbuster films, have their own clothing line, and yes, have parents who are superstars and Hollywood Powerhouses. With that said, does this really mean that he is ready to be out on his own at such an early age?

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Who or What is God?


“God, then, is not, as many of us have been taught to believe, a big personage or man residing somewhere in a beautiful region in the sky, called "heaven," where good people go when they die, and see Him clothed in ineffable glory; nor is He a stern, angry judge only awaiting opportunity somewhere to punish bad people who have failed to live a perfect life here.”

- H. Emilie Cady, Lessons in Truth

Continuing with my series on the things I believe Christians misunderstand about life, Christ and the Bible, I think it’s time to discuss a major challenge to many when it comes to religion.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The Fight for My Life

Completion of "The Cross I Bear" By Lee Jones

I started this blog post in August of 2012, right after the suicide of pro football player O.J. Murdock. I had every intention of completing the post back then, but I found it too emotionally wrenching to complete. Finishing the post would require me to stir up some emotions and thoughts that I would rather have remained dormant. But I had to wake up those feelings in order to say what I wanted to say in this piece. It was, and still is, a painful subject for me. It's now May 2013. It’s been nine months since August 2012, so I need to go ahead and birth this message. Around this time five years ago, my depression almost forced me to commit suicide.


Monday, May 20, 2013

Room 420: Adventures In Day Labor and Residual Weed

While staying in Houston, Texas, and desperate to make enough funds to make an Exodus to California, I applied to Labor Ready Staffing. For those not familiar with them they're basically a temporary day labor agency whose employees get sent out to miscellaneous jobs, receiving pay at the end of the day. In my mind I kept expecting to get assigned to some construction site, applying drywall until the imposing-looking foreman -who's a cross between a Belasco drawing and a circa 1976 Jim Brown- escorts me into his office. I'm just removing my protective goggles and hard hat when he informs me that he'd received word that I'd been seen stuffing company property into my coverall pockets and would now have to search me. After locking the door the foreman instructs me to place my hands on his desk, my breath shallow as he states that he had something special he saved up for temps that took things and I feel his mammoth sweaty paw seize the back of my neck--

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Fifty Pounds or Bust: The Start of a Lifelong Journey

I've finally decided to buckle down and get serious about dieting and eating healthily. I hate to call it a diet because of the negative connotations of the word, so I'll use lifestyle change instead because, simply, it really is a lifestyle change. This will be a permanent practice of my life, erasing old eating habits, but more importantly, changing my mindset and how I feel about living and treating my body. Giving my body the good treatment it deserves so it can treat me well in my later years to come. I don't want to wait til there is a scare or some sort of bad news from the doctor to actually commit to the work of living right. I want to do it now while I'm not forced to. Many of us have desired at one point or another or
even attempted to diet or lose weight. Some were successful and were able to keep it off. For others, it came back. Some never lasted more than a week or two, but whatever your excuse is (and trust me I've used them too), it's never too late... and hopefully my story will empower and/or motivate you to want to make a change.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Bear Book Recommendation: Death

A friend recommended Death: A Life by George Pendle to me, so I decided to go and buy it. I was blown away by this book with its twisted, comedic characters and stories about the life of death or what we sometimes call, "The Grim Reaper." I could not put this book down. I was laughing through the whole story. I just could not believe how far this book would go when talking about God, the beginning of time, the Devil, etc. etc. If you are easily offended or cannot stand any kind of satire related to religion, you might want to skip this book; it is not for the faint of heart. I found myself laughing out loud many times as well as gasping during certain parts. So if you have a twisted sense of humor like me, and you want to have a good read, pick up this book.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Martial Arts and the Seduction of Faith

An interview with Sam Harris by Graeme Wood

Sam Harris is best known as a vocal opponent of religious faith. But he is also a student of martial arts and armed self-defense, and a practitioner of daily silent meditation.

In the May issue of The Atlantic, Graeme Wood recounts the experience of learning meditation and Brazilian jiu-jitsu with him. Harris is finishing his next book, Waking Up: Science, Skepticism, Spirituality, about self-transcendence in the absence of religion. Following their encounter, Wood caught up with Harris to discuss violence, faith, and meditation.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Google Hangouts: Glimpse of the Future

The last few days I've been uploading a lot of videos using Google Hangouts. When you start a hangout, you can set it to do a live broadcast and it will automatically save to YouTube when you're done. The last time I tried it we actually had an error and it didn't save. Thing is, that hangout gave me hope for the future of the M3 YouTube channel. We have some amazing talent working for M3. It was as good as any show I've seen on television, maybe even better! We talked about the issues that matter to us and our community. Best of all, it was just a lot of fun. Technical issues are bound to happen when trying something new. So while it didn't record, it was still quite amazing. And it's only going to get better.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

What Does it Really Mean to be a Christian?

I'm starting a series on what I think is most misunderstood by Christians about Christ, life, and the Bible. This is all based on my life and my growing, and still incomplete, understanding of these things. This is an advantage.  I'm not claiming to know everything or to be certain of anything.  I am only questioning and those willing to question can find answers with me. Much of what I will cover will rock the foundations of your beliefs. Why?  Because they did for me.  And it was necessary for me to have the FAITH I have now.  If anything, they made me more secure in what I believe, who I am, who I want to become, and what I am here to do and be.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

A PSA for Young Black Men Wishing to be Successful in the Real World

I have no words aside from this... Black People... Get your shit together. This shit we think is so cool is what is keeping us behind. Stop behaving like animals. It is not all of us but it is enough of us to make the world expect us to be primitive.

- Lynx

Monday, May 13, 2013

Here We Go Again: Love in the Real World

Our views of relationships are antiquated and rigid. That's not news to anyone. I grew up with the same norms of society, being taught that all relationships consist of one man and one woman, who eventually have their relationship legally sanctioned as marriage, have 2.5 children and stay together until one of them dies. I get all that, but it bothers me that as gay men, we still buy into the dream. We live outside of the norms and still long for their structure. If being gay has taught us anything, it would be that life is more complicated.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Racism in Nerd Culture: The Five Worst Excuses

By:J.F. Sargent

News has broken that Michael B. Jordan (Chronicle) is being considered to play Johnny Storm (The Human Torch) in the upcoming Fantastic Four reboot. Naturally, comic book fans across the Internet are furious, because they've had it with all the reboots and just want to preserve the magic of the 2005 original -- oh, wait, no. They're angry because Michael B. Jordan is black. And in the comics, Johnny Storm is white.

Consider the Internet's bitch switch flipped.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

The Eternal Masochist: Why I Continue to Write

I've heard writing is easy. All you need to do is sit down, open a vein, and let your lifeblood flow out onto the page. Is that it, really? Just give us your soul and we'll give you all the criticism and self-loathing you've been looking for your whole life. Oh yeah, and we're probably not going to pay you much and you'll need a real job so you can eat. Sounds like fun, right? It is. I've not had this much fun in a very long time. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a masochist. Maybe I just need the attention. Whatever it is, I was born to write. So I do this thing because it's what gives me purpose, even when it doesn't feel good in the moment.

Friday, May 10, 2013

The Gay Debate: The Bible and Homosexuality

When I talk to friends who are dealing with homophobic friends or family, it's almost always coming from a Christian perspective. I'm not blaming Christianity for perpetuating these beliefs, but the two are tied in a way that cannot be ignored. There are plenty of things Christians ignore in the Bible. For this reason, I believe that they'll eventually get over their insane ideas about homosexuality. I advise my friends who are dealing with homophobia to educate themselves on the scriptures, even if they aren't Christians just so they can adequately defend themselves. Try not engaging them in a theological discussion over the scriptures because it will only cause their rhetorical opponent to dig in even deeper. Faith has a way of making you ignore facts. You really only need to defend yourself to yourself. You're not trying to convince them of anything. I think this lecture is a wonderful place to start.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

A Billion Wicked Thoughts: Science And Sexuality

Before we start a debate about the way we "should" behave sexually, we need to take a look at how we actually live. We make a plethora of assumptions when it comes to human sexuality, but unfortunately there haven't been a wealth of studies to help us determine which of these assumptions, if any, are true. Two neurologists studying human sexuality found a novel way to get the data they needed to start figuring out what really turns us on. They no longer had to rely on such awkward surveys that Alfred Kinsey used in the 40's. Ask ten people about what makes them hard and you're likely to get ten different answers, seven of which will be lies. The internet has an elegant way of getting to the truth.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

A Look Through a Hazy Lens


As I often take cinematic strolls down memory lane, I began to compare the roles of gay and lesbian characters in TV and film from the past to those of today. Coming of age in the 80s, the first portrayal of a gay character I witnessed was Harry Hamlin in Making Love. It was sad that this sappy thing was my first glimpse into what I now know as being on the DL. Funny to think it was two white dudes since the term DL almost always refers to black men. Even before then, TV gave us wise-cracking, all-knowing uncle Arthur: a confirmed bachelor.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Introducing Robert Jones; New M3 Contributor


1. What is your full name? Do you have a nickname no one calls you anymore?

        Ans: Robert Jones, I have a couple of nicknames. On Facebook and Google+ I go by Trebor Mwhatse-SenoJ which is my name spelled backwards. Probably the one least used is "Muscles"(smiles)

  2. If given the choice of any person alive or dead with whom would you want over to dinner as a guest? Why?

       Ans: Oprah- I love Oprah. I'm truly enthralled by her, I think she's is an example of what the law of Attraction can do for you. Her life and to hear her story of where she came from and where she is now is amazing! She's business-minded and just exude such a love and internal peace!

Monday, May 6, 2013

Introducing Dulani Sean Moore: New M3 Contributor

1. What is your full name? Do you have a nickname no one calls you anymore?


Dulani Sean Moore.  I go by “Dee,” “Dulu,” “Rev D,” and the “Drunken Monk.”  I do have one nickname that was given to me by my grandmother that is no longer used.  Thankfully, the question didn’t ask me about revealing it.


2. If given the choice of any person alive or dead with whom would you want over to dinner as a guest? Why?


Only one??? I would want Jesus over for dinner.  Jesus has become an enigma to me.  I want to know who he is and what he really taught, from his mouth and not through the interpretation of countless others.  I have often wished I could travel in time and experience the life and teachings of Jesus first hand.  I think what he was saying is much different than what people believe he said today.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Online Encounters: Fakes, Flakes, and Faggotry

This topic is for everyone who's been online and tried to meet people. I'm asking to share my view or sarcastic opinion about the foolery on these notorious sites, A4A, BGC, etc. that we use to look for love, sex, or friendships that we hope lead to love. I can remember when I was my early twenties almost having a meltdown cause I didn't have a webcam. I wanted to be like all the other guys online. I have created and deleted numerous accounts on various gay websites, looking for love or a hookup. Finding friends on a gay website geared toward sex doesn't translate to a place to find friends. However, there are good guys on there that are actually cool, regardless of whether they are a thousand miles or four states away. Men showing love for not only the physical but the mental side of other men is so much better than scoring a session with a big dick or some awesome ass.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Pharmapsychology: An Altered State of Mind

When I was twenty-eight my first real boyfriend asked me to stay with him in his apartment one night while he did acid. Some might’ve thought this was an unorthodox form of intimacy on his part, a friendly distorted face to look upon as he and Timothy Leary played jump rope with bands of pixies. I suspect the actual reason was that I was the only person he knew that wouldn’t be so blasted on a controlled substance of my own that I’d be capable of stopping him if he tried to eat the wallpaper at some point.

Having only a pedestrian’s experience with drugs –I recalled schoolmates in high school showing up to classes smelling like a Cheech & Chong movie audience- I wasn't exactly sure what to expect from the evening. I doubted that the results would resemble anything like the ABC After-School Specials featuring Kristie McNichol or some other former child star that’s either somewhere doing dinner theatre or in rehab right now. My onetime experimentation with a control substance was trying to inhale a haphazardly rolled joint and having it singe several mustache hairs when one of the ample seeds exploded.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Why We Need to Talk About Monogamy

I have a tendency to state things stronger in writing than I do in speech. I have time to think about the words and I remove the language of uncertainty. This sometimes makes my statements too forceful. This was true about my post on monogamy. Some people thought that I said men can't be monogamous. Men can, and often are monogamous, but I know many men aren't and I want to stand up for them. There's nothing wrong with you. If you want to be monogamous please do that and be happy. If monogamy is making you miserable you might not even know it. You may feel it's wrong for you,  maybe even for anyone, and can't get past the feeling of infidelity and insecurity it brings you. You may have even tried it and it didn't work, but I know it works if you can do it right.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

My Life in Funnies: A Creative Obsession

So recently I discovered how to make comics. Not only do I enjoy it, I thoroughly let the world know that I love it, as many of you on Facebook have found out in the past week or so. To be honest, I had NO idea that 1. I would love it so much and 2. that others would have found it to be as equally amusing as I do. Well maybe not as equally as I do seeing that I'm up at almost 1 in the morning plotting out my next comic as we speak. Needless to say, Mark Zuckerberg has really started something by allowing an app from Bitstrip to become apart of my Facebook everyday life.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Black Bear Preview: The Haves and the Have Nots TV Show

I know it's a black cliché to love a Tyler Perry projects, but fuck it, I love Tyler Perry projects. From his comedy, outrageous plays and shows, to his amazing drama-filled movies, I'm into him. So imagine my black bear excitement when I heard of Tyler's new show, The Haves and The Haves Nots. I first saw the preview of the show while I was watching the OWN Network. I was intrigued by the style of the show because it was something new for Tyler Perry, a TV soap. Soaps are sometimes dull and full of people over-acting and people dealing with crazy, unreal problems, but the truth is I used to watch those crazy dull soaps. I'm such a bear queen sometimes , but The Haves and The Haves Nots seems different and more put together. but I'm saving judgement for the actual TV show, so I will be back with a detailed review.