I had an interesting conversation with a friend recently. I was discussing my angst of my budding experiences with my explorations into the dating scene in Atlanta. So far, it seems everyone I find to be ideal are already in relationships. This hasn't stopped some of them from trying to holla at me anyway. I have to admit, a few times I had somewhat given in to their advances. I mean, didn't a fairly recent President say that oral sex technically wasn't sex anyway? If the most powerful man in the world doesn't know then who does, right?
Well anyway to make a long point even longer, I never felt totally comfortable with O.P.P. So even though I've allowed myself to have a few dalliances, my conscience would take over and I would summarily back off. So I expressed this point to my friend and I have to say his response really surprised me. “What is it to you, if it’s only sex?” I looked at the phone for a second not really knowing how to respond to that. What is it to me if it’s only sex? Then I began to think, well what is it to me if it’s only sex?
So I went on with my spill on how I wasn't really comfortable with knowingly having sex with someone else’s partner unless of course it was a three way situation, but that’s another issue all together. At least in that situation, both partners would have the heads up. Long after the conversation, the question still kind of haunted me in a way. I begin to really think, just why was I so opposed to the idea of having sex with someone even though they are in a relationship. I mean besides the reality of being cut up or shot up by a pissed off partner or spouse. Even though that’s a very powerful deterrent, it certainly does not deter many and apparently does not deter the ones who are in relationships from pushing up on me. So why does it really bother me?
Now this is purely my take on why my friend responded the way he did. I take his response as saying grown people are grown people. If it’s just sex, just a sexual act, then what’s the real reason why I am hesitant? The fact that they are in a relationship should be on their mind and not mines. In saying that, then what’s really stopping me?
I would like to think that I have some kind of compassion for others. Now this is not my attempt to sit on a pedestal with my habit on while being bathed in a celestial light. I really do think about what if that was me. Maybe that’s the heart of my hesitation. I don’t want it to happen to me. I don’t want to be the one who think everything is cool and be with someone who’s throwing it around whenever and wherever the wind blows. So in my head engaging in sex with someone in a relationship, no matter how fucking tempting it is (and God knows it gets REALLY, REALLY tempting), then somehow I am setting myself up for a triple dose of the same slapping me in the face later. As I reasoned times before, GOD is sure and Karma is a bitch, between the two you can really mess yourself up.
Or will it? If I had this conversation with another friend they would blow it off and say bad things happen all the time; no rhyme, no reason. No matter what I do, I could end up with someone who cheats or end up with a relative saint. There’s no mystic rule that says if whatever you do there’s no cosmic reward or revenge, just a matter of it is what it is. Even so, does this negate myself from considering the respect of others, even when their partners may only consider themselves. Trust I know there’s no clear cut reason about why someone does what. It’s not about a microcosm about relationship problems. I know if I never got my rocks off with “other peoples’ property” , it won’t guarantee that my future partner would not step out on me, or vice versa for that matter.
Of course there’s another matter entirely. A lot of times, the mind and body are in sync with a situation and then the heart goes and fucks it all up. Sometimes you know it’s just a jump off, but feelings can be caught when you least expect them to. So where does that leave me with the O.P.P.? Ass out is what every pun intended.
So what’s the bottom line? I guess there isn't one. Not a clear one. I know I pose a lot of what ifs and this and thats, but these are very real questions I had to explore with myself. Is it worth denying myself my desires because of a lofty ideal no matter how noble? Will I continue my vigilance of keeping my tallywacker out of “married” receptacles? I honestly do not know. In spite of my conscience it has happened before. Hell more than likely it may happen again without my knowing it. The only thing I do know, in spite of however I conduct my life, I am only human. In knowing that, whatever choice is presented in front of me, I can only strive to make the one I can live with.
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