Originally posted in the Monthly Breeze
Maybe I shouldn't speak for all homosexuals but I can tell you with crystal clarity that I didn't choose this. Believe me, the last thing I would have ever chosen in life was to have my G-Spot be 3 inches up my ass.
In discussions about defining life, lifestyle and existence and the different elements that separate the three, I just find it all to be a matter semantics. On more than one occasion I have heard someone explain how they don't live a homosexual lifestyle or even further how they can't be a homosexual because they don't live a homosexual lifestyle. Which I always equated to a dog saying that they really aren't a dog because they don't bark and they like cats. But then again, what dog doesn't bark and loves cats? What makes a dog a dog? What makes a homosexual a homosexual?
For me, I have always carried that theory through all anthropology. You are who you are no matter the circumstance. At the core, in the marrow, Michael Jackson is an African American, Madonna is a singer, I am a homosexual. Despite all the brouhaha that might pad the original intention; vitiligo, giving head to Evian bottles, using the word faggot every given opportunity, at the end of the day what you have is a an African American, a singer and a really gay guy.
What you do might define your lifestyle but I don't think that lifestyle completely defines who you are. A friend of mine told me that he does not live a homosexual lifestyle. He goes to work, he goes to the gym, he gets his groceries then he comes home. He doesn't go to the clubs, he doesn't go to the bars, he doesn't go to any black gay men discussion groups. He might go to a movie every once in awhile but as a whole his existence is pretty pedestrian. Do wit I asked, "Do you like to have sex with men?" He responded that he does. I said, "Well, then you do live a homosexual lifestyle. You're a gay guy who goes to work, goes to the gym, gets groceries then comes home."
Media is probably only second to religion in feeding myth to the masses and in accordance, we have been bombarded with images of what a gay guy should be. We should go to the gym and night clubs, tell witty jokes that all somehow refer to dick and/or ass. We should be fabulous and wear fabulous clothes and have fabulous friends with whom we can wave our fabulousness in front of to validate ourselves. We should be overly feminine and wear weird couture outfits and obsess about musical theater. In the very least, we should try and emulate the women in Sex and the City the best we can. It is those souls that pray to the altar of Jesuit Communiqué that get the most airplay and have molded the shape of homosexuality into a severe, thin, fussy silhouette.
Many people think that if they do not fit into said contour that, in turn, they do not fit into homosexuality or the homosexual lifestyle. I by far have fallen into that chasm of thinking on more than one occasion. But at this point, I just refuse to be "Queer Eyed" from my position as a homosexual. I would never be a love interest on "Queer As Folk" but that doesn't mean that I'm not queer as folk. The diaspora of homosexual experiences by far outreach what media deems acceptable for American Red State audiences. So for someone gay to say to me that they do not live a homosexual lifestyle I would have to respond, "You're gay dude, quit watching so much fucking television."
But the question does still stand, what exactly is gay or what makes a homosexual a homosexual? I have always thought that it was a definition solely based on sexual activity. Basic stuff really, you eat pussy: straight, you suck dick: gay. But that's just sex, there is still the question of sexuality, and that's not semantics, that's intrinsic emotion. The same way you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink, you can teach a dude how to suck a dick, but that doesn't mean he's going to like it… and yeah… if you're gay… you're going to like it.
To me, sexuality is defined by what you want, not what you do. The goal being for the two to intersect but we don't live in a perfect world, sometimes they just don't. You have men wanting nothing more than as much mangina as they can handle but what they are doing is marrying some poor girl who didn't ask the right questions beforehand.
To me, that guy is gay. He too worships at the altar of Jesuit Communiqué and figured that he was too manly to wear the velvet purple pants that he feels all homosexuals should wear so he found a woman whom he may or may not have fallen in love with, but just isn't physically cable of fulfilling him sexually the way he needs to be fulfilled… because you know… his G-Spot is three inches up his ass too.
pansexual (or the omnisexual) that indiscriminately enters relationships without regard to genitalia. Politically, it does nothing to help the movement for civil rights for full blooded homosexuals. Emotionally, and let's just be real, I dig a guy who is into me spiritually with whom we can share chakras but really… I'm much more comfortable with a dude who sees me as piece of meat and who distinctly and specifically wants to suck my dick.
I don't the like the grays of sexuality, I prefer it all to be black or white. I'll never be a Berdache but my feet are too flat to wear heels so I guess that's a good thing.
All of which, and a lot more, makes up my lifestyle. I live in a coldwater studio in Hollywood that is way too small to hold all of my books, magazines and CDs which are neatly stored in milk crates all over my apartment. If you open my cabinets you will see Martini glasses, Champagne flutes and mayonnaise jars (that use to drink Kool-Aid out of) interspersed with Combat roach baits. My radio never leaves the smooth Jazz station and there is usually a thin layer of baby powder in my bathroom from the daily powdering of my balls after I take a shower.
This is my lifestyle and I will totally defend its place somewhere in the spectrum of the modern homosexual's lifestyle. Mind you, it might not get on Oprah anytime soon and I doubt any self respecting straight guy would want to take fashion tips from my grungy queer eye but that is all just one side of the spectrum. I'm on the other side, with MeShell NdegeOcello, Karamo Brown and Wanda Sykes. We might be a little bluer, but we're still just as bright.
Male Media Mind