Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Kenoki's Travel Guide to Gay Dating Cyberspace

Misrepresentation is running rampant nowadays in gay cyberspace, but I'd like to share my opinion about the gay dating sites and apps that we are using. I have browsed many a profile. Not necessarily looking for anything, but out of sheer curiosity. I wanted to see what these men are saying in their profiles. What I've come to theorize is that men are mostly looking for the next best sexual encounter. Not love, not a gym partner, not even a lover, but down-right sex. Here's how I chop them up. I could be wrong about these men, but this is how I see it.

DL, No fats, No Fems Guy

This guy usually weighs 150-220 lbs. and is average build to semi-muscular, 5'9"-6'4" in height. The age range is 22-35. Guys with stats like this normally have bad personalities. They are only interested in men that are exactly like them as far as stats and/or age, with an interest in love, sex, or actual friendship. But mainly, they just want sex. Physical stature is usually more important to them than looks, but still they want someone equally or more attractive than they are. Masculinity is a must. These men are DL with pictures on their profile of their body, their feet, or some other kind of picture other than their face. But they will definitely not want you if you consider yourself a lady, a woman, a girl, or if you speak any slang that's obviously gay. He will want to typically meet you at a public place, where he will observe your every move from a distance to check your walk and mannerisms for anything fem. So, if he doesn't like your mannerisms, he can just leave without you knowing, resulting in your being stood up. If you dare to call him, he will give you some jive excuse or send you straight to voicemail.

Gym Rat Bastard

This guy will weigh 160-215 lbs., have a thick, fairly stocky build or be semi-muscular, 5'10"-6'5" in height; his age range varies between 20-30 and 35-45. He is really on the hunt for two types of prey. He isn't looking for love, though he might say he is in his profile. His ego is so fucked up that he doesn't need to love anyone or anything else except his own body. He is interested in something much more appealing. This guy is looking for a buddy that he can work out with, not just an ordinary buddy. This guy likes other muscle heads like himself to spot him, and he wants to have a friend to bond and compete with at the gym. His type "is" himself. He is so self-absorbed in his own body image that he rarely has sex with any guy that is not his superficial body equivalent. He gets off on being worshiped. Have you ever been to a club and seen a flock of guys that are physically worshiping two or three other guys that are just standing there? Yeah, that's him. He is literally cumming all over himself and the muthafuckas that can't seem to stop idolizing him.

Thirsty Nympho

He will range in ages from 20-40, weigh 220-400 lbs., be stocky to overweight in body type, and stand at 5'8"-6'6". This is a type that's a no-brainer. This guy may not be very attractive or just plain unattractive. He is looking for love; he is looking for fuck-friend, or he is looking for the nearest sex party and he is looking for you. This guy will have a profile about how he is searching for some one to "get with."  There will be one sole picture of him, and it won't be a good one. He will look appealing at first, but when you meet him or hear him talk, you will most likely be disappointed. He may be a little slow or he may sound stereotypically autistic. You can meet him at his place, but I wouldn't recommend it cause you might be walking into an episode of "Hoarders."  He will say he did this and that and he has been here and there, but it's to make himself appear less pathetic than he really is. He might have had something going on with his life, once upon a time, when he was younger or when he was in a better frame of mind, but now he's a loser and totally desperate. Guys will have sex him, but if you're a honest man, you're asking for trouble. Guy like this can't get enough because, to them, you are the best and only thing he's had in a long time. This will turn him into a thirsty being, and he most likely won't let up, even after you try to let him down easy.  He will back down for a lil' while, but you might need to put a shotgun in his face just so he can get the point.

Well fellas, I understand that I don't put up enough content. I'm sorry for this, but I'm just like everyone else. I have my problems, and when I feel bad, I can't focus on anything. Slave to my emotions I guess. But I will bring more novel ideas and content as a contributor in the future.

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