Friday, May 31, 2013

Mistakes Were Made: Atoning for Our Younger Self

I've been thinking a lot lately about maturity. It's not something that comes exclusively with age. Some of us have a lot more experiences in those years than others. For some of us, no matter how many times we make the same mistake, we refuse to learn from it. It's not easy to admit it when we've made a mistake. It's easy to conflate the idea that we did something wrong with the notion that there is something wrong with us. Maturity comes with admitting the mistakes we've made, knowing we could make them again, and being grown up enough to choose not to.

My cardinal rule in life is to avoid assholes and don't be an asshole. I failed at both in my past. I was an asshole magnet and I ended up treating people like shit in the process. I can only admit this now because I've moved past it. I'm not even the same person who began to think about doing those things and yet, I'm still haunted by them sometimes. Because I'm really still that person even if I've changed and matured, I can't pretend I didn't do those things.

So when I made this video I needed to put it into the context of making mistakes. Lee Jones wrote in our group

This is an excerpt from a future blog post I am working on:

"Let me apologize to every feminine man, drag queen, transgender, transsexual, petite guy, big boy and female impersonator that I have ever spoken ill will of. I did not know any better. You did not do anything to warrant my venom accept exist ... " - stay tuned.

I was talking about how people commenting on his post had hoped that it was just an ironic beginning. It seems they completely missed the point that it was a beginning of an apology and not a justification of his former beliefs. I understood it in the context of maturity and how we grow as men to become better over time. But in the video, I failed to mention that it was an apology for his past feelings. It's a concept I understand all too well. 

I can't wait to read Lee's post. The topic has been on my mind since I got back from Atlanta. When thinking about old friends and how much we've all changed, I see my own maturity and I am shocked by the transformation. I'm still relatively young, but I was once a very different man. Seeing the time go by in familiar faces was eye-opening to say the least. Parts beautiful and frightening, I look at the path I've taken so far and wonder how I got so lucky. The lessons I've learned came cheap when often they're very costly to others.

Male Media Mind