2. If given the choice of any person alive or dead with whom would you want over to dinner as a guest? Why?
Adolf Hitler. I would love to have a one on one conversation to try and get a better idea of that type of lunacy. Then I would sit him down and have him scour Wikipedia and find out that a Black man is the leader of the free world and that the Jewish community is thriving and watch him implode in on himself and die all over again.
3. Before making an important telephone call do you rehearse what it is you're going to say? What do you think about people who do?
I do rehearse what I have to say because I have a tendency to be tongue tied. Practice always makes perfect.
1:00 p.m. – wake up/write
3:00 p.m. – go to bear bar
3:30 p.m. – drunken stupor at bear bar with friends
4:30 p.m. – make out with random cute bear in drunken stupor at bear bar
6:00 p.m. – go to movies with another set of friends
8:00 p.m. – dinner with another set of friends
9:30 p.m. – dancing and drinking in several West Hollywood gay clubs/bars with all friends
11:00 p.m. – pizza
11:30 p.m. – fall in love with some amazing random dude
12:00 a.m. – amazing sex in the bathroom with another dude
12:45 a.m. – back at the bear bar… solo, beer, make out other with random dudes
1:15 a.m. – taking shots of some bear’s stomach, suckle the nipples of another
2:00 a.m. – wine, cheese and lively conversation over my place or someone else’s with new people I just met
3:00 a.m. – watch “Paris Is Burning”, “Fight Club” or “Futurama-Season One” on DVD with newly found friends
5:00 a.m. – get phone call from dude I fell in love with from night before, we make plans to get coffee later.
5:15 a.m. – sleep
5. When was the last time you sang to yourself to someone else? Would you ever sing in public in honor of someone you love?
I sing to myself pretty much every day in my car on the way to work. I have sung in public in honor of people that I love… “Closer To Fine” by the Indigo Girls at that last Karaoke Night of the oldest Gay Bar in Los Angeles that eventually closed down. I sang it in honor of all my friends and the owner all of whom I very much loved.
6. If you could live to 100 and retain either your mind or your body at 30 for the rest of your life which would you choose?
Mind. With enough surgery I could get to look 60 and 60 is sexy!
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? Would you want to know exactly how when and where you will die?
I have no idea how I will die and I don’t want to know. I used to be friends with someone who was clairvoyant and I used to tell him all the time, I don’t care if he’s sees me going down in the plane that I’m about to go on… don’t tell me, I don’t ever want to know.
All things considered I had a pretty idyllic childhood. Would have been cool if my Dad was around more.
9. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one ability or quality what would it be and why?
To create legitimate one hundred dollar bills out of thin air so I could pay off my student loans, eat brand name ravioli and afford high class hookers.
10. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
I have dreamed of living in London for a couple of years. Just haven’t got around to it.
11. What is your most treasured memory? How would your personality or life change if you discovered that the memory was false?
I think I want to keep my MOST treasured memory to myself right now but another memory of great significance was sleeping in my great-grandmother’s bed the night of her funeral. I simply hate everything about the idea of ghosts and otherworldly spirits but I felt completely safe that night knowing for a fact that she was on my side. What I remember about that night was that nothing happened, no late night celestial visits or howling, it was a perfectly peaceful night and I knew she had something to do with it. I’m not sure if anything would change if I found that memory was false, that maybe something did happen that night… if something did happen, I’m comfortable with the idea that someone’s on my side up there… if nothing happened, then the movie “Poltergiest” was full of shit and I can start climbing trees again… it’s a win/win situation.
12. If you knew that in one year's time you'd die suddenly is there anything in your life you'd change right now?
I think I would stop going to Weight Watchers, fuck a lot more and maybe try cocaine.
13. What was the most embarrassing moment in your life? Do you still feel any embarrassment when you think about it?
Having my brother watch me fall down about three flights of steps at a movie theatre as a kid. I don’t want to talk about it.
14. When was the last time you cried in front of another person? By yourself?
I cried on the phone with my sister about a year ago discussing family business. I can’t remember the last time I cried by myself. I think I was watching a movie. I think it was “Moulin Rouge”.
15. What, if anything, is too serious to joke about? Why? Do people ever think of you as insensitive?
I think any subject that you don’t have a personal stake in is too serious to joke about. Gilda Radner used to joke about cancer because she was dealing with it. Richard Pryor joked about race because he was dealing with it. Many people have tried to duplicate their humor with those same subject matters without realizing that they weren’t trying to just be funny, they were to trying to heal and survive. I’m pretty sure there are some people who think of me as being insensitive but in that same vein, I think it’s because they don’t realize I have a stake in what I’m saying and I’m trying to heal and survive also.
16. What is the biggest misconception people have about you? Is there anything you can do to change it?
Probably that I’m a push over or that I don’t take anything seriously or that I don’t care about my appearance. I could probably change all of that by becoming more tea party-esque… but then I would have to blow my fucking brains out right after and that wouldn’t be good for anybody.
17. When was the last time you were afraid that you were about to die? Did you feel grateful or lucky to be alive afterward?
Every time I take a plane home to Chicago for Christmas I’m SURE I’m going to die… so much so that every year around that time I increase my Life Insurance policy. I think it might be up to $250,000 right about now. I feel extremely grateful and lucky afterwards, reduce my premium payments and use the savings for cocktails and singles to put in strippers G-strings.
18. If you were to die tomorrow is there anything you wish you would have done? Not done?
I wish I would have finished my book. I wish I would have fallen in love just one more time. Everything else, I think I would have no regrets.
19. If you were forced to flee a burning house and you could easily save any item without endangering your life or others, what would you save?
Laptop… no question… my laptop.
20. What do you feel most ashamed about doing in your life? Most proud of?
I most proud of losing 140 pounds. I most ashamed of gaining 90 of those pounds back.
Male Media Mind