Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Friendship: Where Do You Draw The Line?

I was listening to Breeze in the Soulful Salon Podcast. I immediately fell in love with the show and I'm proud to have Breeze as a contributor to M3. There are three hosts of the show and they discuss many topics, but the first topic of episode 8 that spoke to me was on the subject of friendship. Breeze spoke about the Sex And The City model of lifetime friendships that are stronger than the changes of life. I feel like many things in fiction, this is an ideal we place on our friendships, an ideal that rarely conformes with reality. I have no problem with ideals except when it pressures us into feeling bad for falling short of it. People come in and out of our lives for many reasons, and if we stop and think about it why shouldn't it be that way?

Losing friends can be painful, but I've come to see it as a positive thing if you really need someone to go. It they always cause you to worry about them or always making you annoyed or if you've been hurt  by their intentions or negligence it makes sense to weigh that love and history against your own wellbeing and make a choice. It's kinda hard to do with feelings involved, but it needs to be done. The thing is I know I've fucked up a lot in my life.
I know what it's like to lose friends when you need them most, but sometimes you find out is that you need to change when you keep losing friends. Or you need better friends. Either way it's a lesson. So don't feel so bad when you feel you need to cut someone out of your life. You might be giving them the lesson they need to change their life. At the very least you'll be improving yours.

I'm not saying don't value your long term friends. I know I do. I'm saying that their's an opportunity that opens up when you get rid of negative people in your life. You open up that time to meet new people who are more in line with your way of thinking and share your values. Sometimes you need a group of friends to let you know when you're being used or abused because our attachments to our past can be strong. Sometimes we can't see how we're being treated now because of all the positive shared history. We'll sometimes se our friends as who they used to be be and not as who they are now. We need space in our life for new people to give us that fresh perspective.

The topic interested me because I feel like I'm going through that with a friend right now. I'm staying positive with the help of other friends and giving him every opportunity to remain a friend. My instinct was to to cut him off completely. I feel like that is what going to happen anyway because his behavior isn't getting any better and I know if it continues I will have to say goodbye. Maybe I don';t have to burn the bridge, but at least stop caring as much and let him go genteelly into the night. Sometime I just don't need someone who's so broken I can't be his friend. Sometime they're worth it. Right now I don't know. I don't know if he's worth the effort, and I don't know if he'll ever change. It really is a subjective call we have all to make about our friends sometimes. It helps to have a trusted friend who give us perspective though. Our feelings cloud our judgement very easily.

So It was great to hear that topic rased in the podcast. It gave me something to write about today. I subscribed to Soulful Salon on iTunes and I would recommend it to our readers. I could use a little breeze in my iPod and it's great that it will automatically download when a new episode comes out. I'm sure we'll talking a lot more about it as the topics they discuss seem very in line with the topics I'm interested in discussing.

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