I understand I am getting older wiser, sexier, and unfortunately boring. Over ther years through my experiences with people I come to understand my perception of friendship is different from most people. I find it hard to connect consistently with people like myself. When I was younger I dealt with the wrong crowd of people, I was thinking that I was accepted but I was really being made into a "DO Boy" do anything my so-called friends would ask me to do. But when I needed them the most any excuse could be created to keep them from helping me. It was wrong. I've been in situations as a thrid wheel, a tag along, or extra weight but never really felt like I was a part of crew until I had something to contribute or put it.
I did some contemplating about everything that was going on around me regarding these friends. I was fucking up my time, my car, my money and my looks with these people. So one day I tested a theory. How would they act if I said NO to what they wanted me to do. I started saying no to all the request my so called friends would ask of me. It felt so good watching them make their faces, talk shit to me, and have their little nasty attitudes. But it was what I needed to do because I know that I am better than being someone's "Do Boy".
Now that I am a Bear Cub. I can feel that I have hit menopause. Im very short with the bullshit that people try to put me through and I always sleep naked at night because I give off so much body heat. I made up with two friends of mine. Thinking that after so long of not speaking and then later resolving the issue I had with them that our relationship would be better and go back to normal. I come to understand that things some how never really changed.
I want to make friends that I can see aspects of myself in. People that I can enjoy being around and there are no pretenses or hidden agendas. I want to make friends that I can have a great time anywhere with. I have been disappointed so many times by people that I have forgot how to make friends with people for fear of going through the same nonsense I been through in the past with so called friends. So with that being said is there anyone reading this that knows how to put myself out there to make real friends with long lasting ties?
|KENOKI BLACKDOG HARVEY
Male Media Mind